DEPRIVATIONS, CONTROL AND PUNISHMENTS
I am on level 3 and have
been on level 3 and level 2 since February of 2000.
In closing, thank you for your listening and thank you for your concern.
Sincerely,
Bobby Ray Hopkins
To both the concerned and the not-so-concerned.
Hello, my name is Bobby Ray Hopkins #999101 and I am on death row in Texas. I've been stripped of my name, identity, my character as I am mostly referred to as a number.
There are other forms of degradation and programming tactics that the system use or uses to try and break me down mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.
This is a jungle, the life I have to live and the story I must tell as we have been forced to take on characters and/or mentalities of a different caliber according to our own strengths, weaknesses and according to our own personal will and determination to survive the State's inhumane treatment of its' own citizens.
At this time, I am on level 3 and denied access to a lot of my daily necessities and privileges (including food). Yes, they are feeding us/me; but not properly. Level 2's and 3's are punished with food and being deprived of both food and sleep which is an old war tactic that has always been used against a so-called enemy. They control the lights in my 6 x 11 cell.
They control the water I drink and there is no electricity inside my cell because all of my personal property has been taken away from me. The only thing that I am allowed to have is the basic writing material (pen, paper, stamps & envelopes). A Bible or other religious material and my legal work as I am allowed to receive letters and magazines; That's it! But the main thing is that they are starving us to death on level 2 and level 3 and committing other heinous crimes against humanity all in the name or the approval of the people, public or society who goes mis-informed of who the notorious villian(s) really is/are and are blind or even ignorant to the inside crimes that are taking place in their name.
I have been on these levels since 1997 (twice on level 2 at the Ellis Unit, which housed death row). I've been on level 2 & 3 since February of 2000 on this new death row (Terrell now Polunsky Unit) with no clear chance of advancing or being up-graded.
The reason why my chances for advancement are so slim is because these people aren't playing fair or going by their own set rules and policies that were designed by the directors of TDCJ-Institution Division and its' administrators.
Instead, the ones in those high ranking positions and air-conditioned offices (executive directors, directors, TDCJ board members, chairmen, wardens) are looking the other way and allowing these unit officers to do as they choose to those of us we are locked and stored away.
They only serve me child size portions of food that is usually under-cooked or over-cooked and usually unfit for human consumption. The food is either dog food (smell & taste), cat food (looks & taste) and/or slop and in their minds they don't care if I/we eat it or not because if I/we don't eat it, then the dogs & pigs will because all they want to do is say that they served us a tray and/or gave us the opportunity to eat!
I used to write about only my case and about the legal issues in large volumes, which I still do. But people need to hear and know about the internal aspects of my incarcerated life and how I am being treated.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, these officers and other staff members of the so-called criminal justice system are suppose to maintain order (peace), security (no escapes) and maintain sanitation (which is a nice clean & healthy environment)!
Instead, they are using both their power & authority against us in a very extreme and malicious manner. They are gung-ho in their attitudes and in their manner of professionalism.
Yes, on some occasions, use of force does have to be used, but by law and by court decision, only as a last resort. They are eager to jump you while you're handcuffed (and sometimes shackled) with a 5 or 6 man assault team that is dressed up in combat gear and equipped with billy clubs, pepper spray (which is also referred to as riot gas or tear gas). They have stun guns and once you are stabilized or put at bay with the burning of the pepper spray that is burning your eyes, skin and that has cut off your breathing; they will still clothesline you, trip you going up or down the stairs, slam you down on the ground if you are still standing while you're already handcuffed and subdued. They will even choke you, kick you even when you have already been badly bruised and abused as most of the guards here call it their own type of recreation and fun and speaking of recreation, because I am a level 3 inmate, I'm only allowed 3 hours of recreation a week, one hour a day, Monday, Wednesday & Friday. The recreational day room is about 15 or 20 steps from my cell with nothing but a chin up bar for exercise. The so-called day room where I am put to recreate in is only 3 or 4 times bigger than my 6 x 11 cell and the only thing you can do is walk around in a circle if you get tired of standing in one place.
On Wednesdays, I'm allowed to go outside; but not a normal outside as only the sky in a possible 12 x 15 square is visible. The walls on each side are 50 or 60 feet high concrete walls, steel bars as my recreation outside is a 12 x 15 foot square box. Either way it goes, I am shuffled from one cage to another cage with each cage being either slightly bigger or smaller that the other one.
In being on level 3, they, by their own policy(ies) and rules are supposed to review me every 30 days for re-classification and if I haven't caught a disciplinary case in that 30 day time period then I am supposed to be up-graded to the next level which is level 2.
Level 3 is against the law anyway because it degrades you and strips you of human dignity and is considered to be an extraneous punishment by the Courts. No hygiene (toothpaste, shampoo, soap or deodorant), no dessert on your food tray, no personal property, 1 visit a month, no phone call as I have to spend 23 or 24 hours a day in this cell.
There are no activities here to stimulate my mind or creativity other than the things that I do on my own.
There is no chess, no cards, no dominoes, no television, no in-cell craft programs, no group recreation and no human contact what-so-ever, whether you're on level 1, 2 or 3.
The court says - under the death row plan - July 2000 - that for Texas Death Row Inmates, if a person maintains a clear disciplinary record that he is eligible and entitled to a work program, in-all piddling and craft building, group recreation, T.V.s at his own expense bought from the commissary.
They make us look the same, so therefore we more than likely will act the same. We can't grow our hair to our own desired length or satisfaction and must remain clean shaven and almost bald-headed at all times. We have to wear these over-sized jumpsuits that mock our/my underweight body/bodies, State shoes, so therefore, they keep us looking the same and the intention is for us to act and think the same as each of our identities are forcibly being stripped from us.
And, to add insult to injury, once we are eligible to come to be re-classified, they skillfully come up with a reason to deny us (those who they feel they cannot control).
I hope I've provided you with some of the informative news of my daily life.
Sincerely,
Bobby Ray Hopkins
BY
BOBBY RAY HOPKINS
My name is Bobby, I am a slave, not by my own free will or understanding, but by force. So read with caution and perception!
We slaves have come a long way, but the master is still cracking the whips across our backs and the sound that it makes today are louder than the sounds of yesteryear which has equally scarred not only my flesh, but my heart and mind as well.
We slaves have nothing to show for all the hard work from that of our ancestors because most people who are still racist and prejudice still refuse to admit/acknowledge that slavery and the slave trade ever existed in America and until then, no healing or reparations can be made to a down-trodden race of people.
Over the past five or six decades, it was our people who built this nation and made it what it is today with the strength of their hands, backs and spirit. In other words, we built this god-forsaken country with no thanks or appreciation at all from our evil oppressors whatsoever [in one word] in any form of an apology.
All in all, we have definitely shed more blood than any other race of people which is an enormous amount and still today, through our blood, sweat and tears, we are still being held down and kicked in the butt(s) for being black as they are now demanding the shirts off our backs and the inside control of our home(s), schools and how we discipline our children . It is intolerance on a social, civil and economical level. Capitalism is a better word.
There are a few who claim to recognize us for who we are and what we have contributed to what they call a white America as there are still an overwhelming amount of people who still won't admit Slavery and the bidding, selling & trading of human beings ever occurred in America.
I am here to tell you that someone must be held responsible for the atrocities and crimes against humanity because as the old saying goes, History (His - Story) is about to repeat itself in the form of prisons and poverty.
But no one is willing to take responsibility for the darkened bloodstains that are on their hands and embedded deep down within their hearts and minds as well.
So, until it (slavery, slave trade) as well as today's modern day form can be fully acknowledged, it will remain a nightmare for me and my people, a thorn in the foot, an arrow through the heart or better yet, it will always be looked upon as a black eye on our American History in which no one (white America) can remember what African Americans went through and contributed to.
A question that should both intrigue and shock you is this: How was it that the white man was able to enslave five different generations of a whole race of people and keep us in bondage and under his control for all of these years?
What was it that was on our minds to want to be in such conditions? Were we without any pride, dignity, discipline or unity is a question that we must ask and answer for ourselves?
Since I know that I am a direct descendant of a slave(s), am I right for writing these words or for thinking like I do or should I to act like I'm blind and afraid of the truth? I am not blind and I am entitled to know of my ancestors and their mind-set at the time of their hardships. What am I doing as a modern day slave to try and break the cycle of Slavery and bondage so that my children and grandchildren after them won't be subjected to this new world punishment of hatred, prison, poverty, division, entrapment, pain and suffering which being racially profiled and systematically excluded from high paying jobs, executive positions and admitted into major universities and sports because of the color of our skin.
Was slavery a contagious weakness that was embedded so deep beneath the skin of my ancestors that it was passed on to my parents and I in fact have inherited their blood shed, musty sweat, salty tears as well as their calloused hands that America was lavishly built on? And, that goes without mentioning their sore backs, tired feet and their aching bones that they were left to deal with, without the assistance of a doctor (health physician) or even medicine.
Why is it that we didn't inherit the cotton gin, part of the water melon fields or even a row of corn? WHY? Because just like today, we still are not running anything but our mouths and trying to impress others in all the wrong ways and shoot holes in ourselves.
I hope that the lesson in history has enlightened both your heart and mind. Remember, this is no fairy tale or no nursery rhyme that was never just once upon a time. It's still happening. It's real!
Sincerely written in accordance of my own personal beliefs and self disciplines without imposing them upon you.
BY
BOBBY RAY HOPKINS
These prisons of today are nothing but legalized plantations as Slavery has never been abolished, just covered up and tucked cleverly behind these concrete walls and high fences as modern day Slavery (free inmate labor) and is what it can/should be referred to.
If/when you are accursed and convicted of a so-called crime, you are immediately labeled, categorized and given a number. Your true identity is stripped from you and all ties to the free world are cut off. You now begin your life as private or State property as they so justifiably put it.
Whether you are guilty or not, or whether you have been treated fairly is not their concern, who does concern them is how much money you can make for them through their exploitation of free manual labor while they still manipulate and squeeze the poor tax-payers out of their hard earned dollars all in the name(s) of needing to build more and more prisons to house more and more inmates.
They ship you to far off units far away from your family and loved ones to split you up just like they did in the early days of slavery, three or four hundred years ago.
It is a well know fact that works as a form of separation and control of the mind, body and of the spirit which they know you will soon accept and soon come to love who you have been forced to become.
Why do they engage in this separation & manipulation? They know that most families are to poor to travel these long distances to visit them in prison or their either too sick to even worry about the whole scheme as their concern(s) is/are more of their own health and/or survival. Therefore, another home has been broken and destroyed. Another mother will live without her son, another wife without her husband and another son or daughter will live and grow up without the presence of their father. All of which will give birth to and begin a new generation of slaves that also will be introduced to a so-called life of crime and enter the system. "Private or State property" with a human face! Broken homes and broken dreams!
Soon after, we are all forgotten about and left to rot in these colonized cubicles for years upon years of our natural born lives with the guilty conscience and assumption that he/she has done something terribly wrong that it can't be forgiven or reversed.
The courts are the auction blocks that haunt our youth and the black robed men are the ghost(s) that scare(s) and terrifies/terrify them as the 12 men jurors are the bidders who determine the extent of our enslavement. Together, with the judge, prosecutors, State's witnesses and the police, they act as team members (co-conspirators) who will choose the fate/destiny of the so-called accused and what prison plantation he/she will be sent to and housed at as they interfere with and alter the course of one's life as if they are a god of a higher being.
They say that it is for change (correction or rehabilitation) and is for the better for all who are involved. But, once you get here (prison), the un-due process begins and you are nothing to them as you are housed and treated like a dog or other four legged animals and most commonly looked upon as the scum of the earth. I am on death row as I am confined to a 6 x 11 cubicle cell for 23 to 24 hours a day, on Polunsky Unit. But the other slaves are forced to work for free from sun up to sun down in the cotton and vegetable fields under the intensity of the scorching sun while being tailed and watched by armed guards on horseback and trained hunting dogs that will also bite and attack on command.
They have high perimeter fences that surround these prison plantations that are decorated maliciously with deadly razor wire as the high rise of the perimeter of the guard towers on each corner of the prison plantations intimidate all who approach(ed) the fences on either side. Just like the old days - no pay, no gratitude and no real freedom. Slavery still exists and all you have to to see it is to open your eyes.
This system institutes and administers rules to entice, provoke, arouse and to stimulate your anger and with their swift tactics and intimidation, your behavior is modified in a very negative form so that their causes for cruel and unusual punishment can/will be justified. You will become a puppet on their strings.
This is all, while they are printing in the newspapers and saying on television that he's just yet another angry young black man who needs even more so-called punishment, like what he already has is not enough torture. Is this system their solution for rehabilitation?
They give higher class people (the white collar criminals) a clinical or professional solution for their crimes and behavior and send them to drug and alcohol clinics. They give my class of people (the poor, down-trodden & oppressed) a criminal solution and evaluation and point to the auction block for us and send us to prison as the stage and props for a hangman's trial has already been set up with the actors and actresses of the broken down, un-reliable justice system; because those of us without the capital get the punishment in this "capitalist" society!
If we are mentally un-stable or incompetent, they won't give regard to it or acknowledge it according to their own Laws, beliefs and policies. Even the professional opinion of a medical scientist could not make them change their minds when dealing with the prospect and recruitment of a potential slave entering into their work program and detention. Only the class and prominence will subject them to compromise or negotiate a person's future here in America. Everything here is not all baseball, apple pie or even Chevrolet.
I (Bobby Ray Hopkins) am a prime example of being bamboozled and shanghaied on the auction block (court room).
I was kidnapped from the streets and convicted by an all white jury as the only two possible jurors of my peers (community, race & class) were systematically excluded to sit on my jury because they were black.
The moral to this whole story is this: The power is in the people and until you stand up for even yourselves, this so-called justice system that is designed to protect us from such casualties and injustice, that are just going to keep on punishing us and breaking up our happy homes and families each and every time they feel a need to build a prison or when they fear of having a shortage of slaves arise. Before I go, ask yourself this question: When was the last time you heard them say lets build a school?
Sincerely written in accordance of my own personal beliefs and self disciplines without imposing them upon you.
BY
BOBBY RAY HOPKINS
Excellence is when you do something so good or so great that people recognize you for your greatness and commends you. But as for so-called failure, it is the direct opposite of any type of achievement that's recognizable in which a person does not exceed the expectations of that of another person or society on a small or even larger scale of judgment.
Depending on who he/she represents (community, group, race or religion) and the things he/she is involved with will determine to a lesser or higher degree of how their so-called failure or success will be looked upon or rather how it will be accepted or rejected!
Take Schindler for instance, he was the worst of the worst. The lowest, down rottenest, dirty individual you could think of because he stood in the same light and shadows that of his mentor Adolfus (Adolf) Hitler.
Although it was in war time, it was a war that they created. The lust for power and control destroyed one and almost the other as they were simultaneously trying to wipe out a whole race of people.
It wasn't till the coming of the End that Schindler tried so hard to face and defeat his demons in an all out effort to reveal a deep hidden kindness for human life and existence in an attempt to rescue his soul from eternal damnation.
He knew that what he had created for himself and what he represented (Nazi Germany, The Hitler Regime) had did so much to the people they oppressed, that live or die, his only way out of the deep dark hole that he dug for himself would be to release and give freedom to those he owned and allow them to take all valuables and assets that both he and they owned and possessed before his own death and destruction devoured him.
His mission led him to show sympathy to many of the lost souls he controlled and imprisoned as he started buying and contracting them to work for him to make their lives at least a little bit easier until it was safe for them to be released and flee and although he was still under the Gestapo rule and command, he could still treat those few that belonged to him as he chose.
Now, that story brings me to this. My own real life story and everyday experience which is an exact replica of the horrors and ill inhumane treatment that they faced.
There are no activities here to stimulate my mind. Creatively as my thought pattern is, it is more or less useless or wasted because of the negativity that I'm forced to deal with and focus on.
There are only rules here that provoke my anger as the term "doing good" is not even in their vocabulary. There is no chess, no basketball, no television, no dominoes and no radio ( if you are on level II or III). Some people draw, but the supplies that they/we can have are limited t a black pen, lead pencil(s) and map colors which is petty and puts you and your artwork on a kindergarten level.
As you can see, I , myself love to write and since most of my time on death row has been spent on level II & level III, I am denied a lot of other privileges such as commissary, my personal property, the normal amount of visitors and activities.
In other words, we have nothing as we/I do not ask for much of anything. We/I have been stripped of our identities and our characters have been blown out of proportion and taken out of context. Most of the individuals here have accepted their fate, most have dropped their appeals and have given up. A lot of others have become living, walking zombies and all they do all day long is eat, sleep and cry and complain about their conditions instead of standing up and doing something about it and be heard and seen while being both a voice and force for everyone.
We have been fully clothed with knowledge and our hearts, minds and attitudes have been equipped with special survival skills to endure as we must live on our natural instincts such as a wild animal does in the jungle. Because we are so rare and so unique and our intelligence guide us, we are also cut from the same fabric of life which our moral fibers are closely similar and/or connected.
It is said and written by Law that once a person is convicted of a capital crime and given the death sentence (sent to death row) that he/she can no longer be subjected to anymore type of cruel and unusual punishment or inhumane treatment. What part of that don't they understand?
I, myself have completed and competed with brilliance on many levels of progress and understanding by using my mind to work in sync with my physical and spiritual abilities in making them work for me and not against me.
Also, in my daily life and thinking, I have incorporated some of the philosophies and beliefs of some of the world's greatest thinkers, writers, leaders and scholars of our time. Just like the United Negro's College Fund theme goes and says "The mind is a terrible thing to waste"!
So, please, whoever you are, please take my own words for all they are worth and adopt them into your own way of thinking and living. Make discipline a first priority while setting some of your own goals and standards for others to follow. Think of this as a pass-port or as a blue-print to life so that you or your children won't have to go through what I'm going through.
Sincerely written in accordance of my own personal beliefs and self disciplines without imposing them upon you.
* Level II, Level III are harsh punishments where your personal property and privileges are taken away.
BY
BOBBY RAY HOPKINS
So that my friends back home who know/knew me as well and even the people whom have supported and be-friended me and welcomed me into their lives and still continue to do so, my explanation and intention is this: Please don't think that I've turned racist, I'm only trying to reveal Racism and expose the corruption behind it as well from those who practice and teach Racism.
Whoever reads any of my words, writings, stories, articles, please do it with knowledge, understanding, wisdom and with a very open mind and heart while reviewing the issues and weighing the facts on your level of thinking. We shall begin!
This is Southern justice, Southern religion and back home racism from a time when our/my own grandparents were called nigger boy or nigger girl and so far, until even this day. In Texas, nothing has really changed as only a person can say that the racism has been moved around.
The prison system that I am housed in (TDCJ - ID) Polunsky Unit "Texas Death Row"! is a modern day form of yesterday's horror, yesteryear's nightmares and today's blindness that slaves' or the white men's mentality to enslave human beings ever existed as the event (SLAVERY) is a so-called myth to them.
They don't believe that the master ever put a noose around our necks and hung us from a tree, no one believes that our babies were cut out of our women's stomachs and wombs because the master would be the father after having raped his victims. No one knows how many times those types of pre-meditated murders occurred, no one believes that our arms, legs, feet, fingers and toes were cut off for being accused of stealing to eat or for trying to run away and be free. No one wants to believe that the master cracked his whip on the backs and faces of our men, women & children while ripping chunks of flesh from their bodies while trying to control their minds and destroy their souls and spirits.
During those times of mis-treatment, stiff rules, stiff penalties, in-humane treatment and cruel & unusual punishment were the law and how did we survive.
Well, there are supreme court law books that supported and protected slavery (Supreme Court Reporter, 12A). The law made it legal then, what makes you think that they are not continuing to make it legal now? It's masked and very concealed. Why do you think that Texas has over 125 prisons? That's not including the State & County jails or even the private prisons, all of which are full.
There is said to be two million prison inmates in the U.S., give or take a little. Blacks are said to make up at least 52% of that total population which is over half. We (blacks) are only 12% of the national population, but 52% of the prison system. Now can you see and understand who's being targeted and enslaved, which most likely seems to be intentionally?
The statistics pertaining to any issue considering Blacks is overwhelming and alarming in all categories. We must shed light, unite, make a difference in our homes, churches, schools, youth centers and in our communities. We must start our own businesses and educate our own children before their minds are diluted and filled with this watered down American Bullshit!!
Ask yourself this question, do you want your children to grow up as you grew up? Just that one question will give you many answers. Once again, I hope and pray that my words have worked as some type of stimulant to inspire and to motivate you to fight against the injustices of our people.
I urge and call upon all races of people to come together and make a difference because our strength will be in our unity. You will hear from me again in many ways, but until then, please keep me in your everyday thoughts and prayers.
Sincerely written in accordance of my own personal beliefs and self disciplines without imposing them upon you.
BY
BOBBY RAY HOPKINS
With all the center of events that surround me on a daily basis, it is obvious that I (my life & my survival) is in "clear and present danger" of the fear and the possibility of being put to death like an animal and/or executed (State sanctioned murder) by methods lethal injection.
And, if it is said and believed to be so; that I and people like me are labeled animals, then why don't they (The Suprem[acist] Court) go a step further and put me on the endangered species list like they do the grey wolf, the bald eagle or even the sperm whale and the spotted owl because they have conspired to exterminate me from society as I have been captured in one of their many traps that was skillfully designed to entangle me.
At this time, because of the corruption of politics and the motives of both the Legislature and the politicians who instigate corruption and brutality as a strategy move towards their careers, I must now look upon myself to be a political prisoner now that the motives of my Captors has been discovered.
In labeling myself as a political prisoner, my life falls in the palms of their hands and minds and all/each involved are conspirators and co-conspirators of a higher crime or crimes that that in which I have been wrongfully convicted of.
In their daily lives and thinking, they feel that it is their patriotic duty to persistently pursue and seek to take my life with their un-fair laws and their blood-thirsty acts of vengeance and revenge.
People, you should know that it is all for their own personal political and financial gain(s) to maintain the luxurious lifestyles they have created for themselves to block out their conscious with materialistic objects of wealth.
And, although I have already been accused and convicted of a capital crime and as I have already been here on death row condemned to die, I am still being hunted down by those corporate criminals, villains and politicians.
It seems as though they are not satisfied with the power already given to them as they have already spread enough of their racism, oppression, corruption, capitalism and Slavery around to last a million years as it would take at least that long for all the wounds to be healed.
Soon, which is already evident; soon they will try to conquer and divide the whole world which is an old war strategy been put into affect amongst us. Being on death row and living in Texas (The Prison System), racism greets me everyday at breakfast, lunch and dinner as I have to stare it in the face and be forced to depend on the very people that hate me.
Each day I wake up, these rules and these laws remind me of how black and priceless I am in my captors' eyes or in the eyes of any other beholder as I am just a penny ante, petty object to them that they can toss and throw around and do as they choose with me.
It is a war that I have chosen to fight bravely and because I am up against wardens, judges, prosecutors, captains, Lieutenants, majors and the Board of Criminal Justice. They engage in the skillful acts of that of an admiral or general in the form(s) of fear & intimidations, conquer & divide, infiltration and process of elimination while stimulating a diversion better known as chaos and confusion.
Do you not recognize what they are doing, or do you just refuse to take a stand and be out-spoken on the subject matter(s)? "I got your back"! I'm the new kid on the block and like the old saying goes; "This town aint big enough for the both of us and you better get tough"! Sound familiar?
Because of the miscarriage of justice, trial & error and the fatal defense that so poorly represented me, I refuse to remain captured, caged and treated like an animal as they demand human results as I have been stripped of each and every identity and good deed that I can think of. "SYSTEMATICALLY"! You better wake up and you better not cry because justice will prevail.
Sincerely written in accordance of my own personal beliefs and self disciplines without imposing them upon you.
BY
BOBBY RAY HOPKINS
To the listening ears of those who are concerned.
My name is Bobby Ray Hopkins and I am on Texas Death Row.
When I was a little boy, I had always gone out to play; but with other people's toys. Yeah, I had my own toys to play with, but they were either old, broken, outdated or raggedy as none of the other kids ever asked to touch any of my toys other than the ball that we shot baskets with and the goal that I used was a bicycle rim with the spokes torn out that was nailed to a pole/post and piece of board that only survived the games of that day. By night fall, both the post and the bicycle rim would be leaning and almost touching the ground.
My mother and step-father loved me very much and cared for me to the best of their abilities and taught me right from wrong. But because things were sometimes so overwhelming at times, it did get hard for them to properly provide for me, my two sisters and brother.
Having 6 mouths to feed was hard enough, not to mention the second hand clothes and shoes that they bought and I had to wear and share with my sisters and brother!
For a long time, that's is until my little sister came along, for a long time I was considered the baby of the family as the only special treatment that I got was the extra pampering and being held on my mother's and step-father's shoulders for long periods of time when I should have been on the ground walking. I also sucked my thumb, played with my nose and acted like the real baby I was and as I look back on time, I can say that I played my role well and it's not easy being a baby or a child like grownups think it is.
When I was picked on and poked at by my brother and sister, it was my parents that I used as a shield against them and told tall tales to get them in trouble. I didn't know that what they were doing then was preparing me to be strong and tough so that I could stand on my own even when they weren't around because there is always a neighborhood bully or someone who's always trying to prove how bad he is.
So, when I was beat up by my brother and sister, there were times when I shed real tears and stuck my thumb in my mouth and said nanny, nanny, boo, boo to them knowing that I was loved and was under the protection of mom and dad.
Being poor is not something you learn to hate. As a matter of fact, I think that we/I just accepted being poor and was just thankful and blessed that we had running water and a roof over our heads to shelter us from the harsh elements of each season that passed and although it was many times when both the heat and the electricity would get turned off because we could not pay the bills, for that month we all adjusted to that fact as well. There were also a lot of times when the ice box (refrigerator) was empty and many nights that I went to sleep on an empty stomach having to cry myself to sleep. All of which is a lot of cases, those hard times brought our little family closer together. We used to bunch up against each other to stay warm in the winter and distance ourselves from each other in the summer to stay cool as there was always at least 3 of us who were sleeping on the floor. We stayed united most of all to survive and to overcome all the hardships and obstacles which I truly believe is what has allowed me to remain sane in this horrible situation.
I love my mother, she is a strong black female who with her own free spirit and inner strength worked her fingers to the bone so that her small pay checks could help us deal better with the poverty and oppression of our daily lives that I spoke about!
She made many personal sacrifices, buying us things when in the back of her mind she knew we could not afford it, because along the path of my young life, most people would have given up hope and threw in the towel. We have lived in low income housing (projects) and have relied on the help of government assistant programs and commodities. I really used to be ashamed sometimes of how I used to have to live as it seemed that we could never get ahead as a family not matter how hard we tried.
Mama always said, money was tight and food was scarce so be grateful for what you have and little did people know we were without because not matter how hard times got, there were always smiles on our faces and joy in our lives.
My step dad was a good man to my mother. He was not a drug addict, not an alcoholic and he did not even hit or abuse my mother. He treats her like a queen. During those times, he was considered to be disabled which allowed him not to work full time or not at all as his lungs were damaged by some type of high chemical, high toxic insulation that he used to install on a job that he once held. So, to make a contribution to his family and responsibilities and to the demands of having five other mouths to feed and backs to clothe, my step-father had no other choice but to become a street hustler. Meaning that most of his time (days & nights) was spent in smoke filled pool halls, dangerous gambling shacks, night clubs and boot leg establishments, even running a juke joint of his own from time to time with his brother day and night to bring home some money (the bacon so to speak) as my mother never to much complained or forced him to stay home.
But still, no matter how much my step dad hustled as he wouldn't come home for 24 hours at a time sometimes, we could still never get ahead cause some bill collector that had gone unpaid seem to magically pop out of nowhere with his sticky palms held out to take the last of our money. I guess that when I was a child, my worst nightmares were to see the insurance man coming, going to take the rent money to the landlord or running into city hall to pay the water, electric or gas bills for my mother.
Also, when I used to go to the stores, I had money; but I used to watch my friends spend more money at one time than I was able to spend all week or all month. Funny how that saying goes, but it's true and it was the neighborhood stores that really and truly loved us and treated us the best. They sold us red, grape and orange soda pop for half the amount the 7-Eleven or Stop-N-Go stores charged. They sold us windmill cookies for a penny each and we could buy bags of penny candy as well. We could even buy a cheeseburger and french fries for a dollar and something and the bag would be so greasy that the cheeseburger and fries would almost be falling out the bottom of the bag before we/I got home through the front door.
So, as I began to grow up and my long - held status of being the baby of the family was stripped from me shortly after my little sister was born, I accepted the instant demotion with honor the moment I saw my mother and father bring her through the door as I don't remember who was carrying her. I do remember she brought a sweeter smell to the house and the atmosphere was more pleasant. Maybe God or His angels were present at the time everything was on schedule, everything had to be sterilized, everything was cool, calm and quiet. Baby freshness is what it was. I loved that little bundle of joy as soon as I laid my eyes on her. She was something new and interesting to me as my own big brown eyes use to light up when I saw her smile. I had asked the question where did she come from and till this day, my mother and father still hadn't told me as I soon found out on my own. I know that I saw my mom's stomach all big and that something precious was in there, but it still didn't explain how it got in there and how it got out!
And when they brought that little bundle of joy home and gave her all the attention, I didn't get mad or jealous. I used to tickle her cheeks and play with her fingers by gently putting them in my mouth and knowing that I should have washed my own hands before playing with something so fragile, so delicate and so precious.
I hope and pray that what I have said and revealed to you, some of the things of my childhood and of my up-bringing as I grew up very quickly, very fast and of course in a hurry.
I hope that you will be able to sense that most of what I had gone through in my early years as a child was in fact a training ground and a practice field that has allowed me to deal with and endure all the mental torture, pain, torment, misery and oppression that I am being forced to once again experience in my life now. I was imprisoned than as a child and I am imprisoned now as an adult. I am one of the fallen ones, not a lost soul, but here in America I guess they call it being the black sheep of the family and in other places or classes of people, some of you may refer to it being an outcast.
I will never accept this place, but I accepted who I am a long time ago and a person can't miss what he ain't never had.
This was written in accordance of my own personal beliefs, direct experiences and self disciplines without imposing them upon you.
THE EXECUTION
BY
BOBBY RAY HOPKINS
The execution of a man (human being) is a conspiracy to commit murder and the mentality of that/those murders is pre-meditated with a reason of vengeance or revenge and not so much for closure or even punishment as it is said and written.
Prosecutors, judges and lawyers (court appointed) all over the Nation are being elected to these high post, high authority, high paying, clerical, public positions at the cost of human lives and suffering all in the name of the people and so-called justice. Is what they are doing really what you want from them as you are the ones who are selling your souls and throwing away your values to elect them into these high paying positions.
More and more tax dollars, more & more of this and more & more of that; but for what? These prisons have become self-sufficient and more or less pays for staff through free inmate labor and outside contracting to local businesses for manual inmate labor.
So, instead of questioning the so-called high rise numbers in crime, question the civic leaders and local governments in your community as well as the State and Federal politicians because they are the blame for this recent surge in crime and new wave form of creating both a situation(s) and diversions to make you think someone else is the culprit(s). They are the real villains who are as notorious as the ones they accuse and condemn as they continue to play the role of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde with your intelligence.
Wake up, open your eyes and smell the coffee. The execution is:
1. a plan.
2. idea of a sinister man/mind.
3. an arrangement and agreement between the forces of evil.
4. an invention and intention of a dictator.
Is it human in moral to eliminate a man from existence because he is of a so-called weaker being?
The execution of a human life intentionally is in fact barbaric, un-civilized and should be un-acceptable in our so-called modern day society that should be setting the standard and preservation of life and other positive examples for other countries to follow in our footsteps.
But the message they (U.S.) has been sending out is very distorted, bloody, inhumane and arrogant! State Sanctioned Murder. . . As always, I hope that my words will serve as a vehicle to take your mind on a ride through the chaos of my life and that of the life and times of others in the same situation as me.
Sincerely written in accordance of my own personal beliefs and disciplines.